s&k ficverse adventures
SS

Nocturne

“Liebestraum” Franz Liszt

Stay. The word caressed his mind, tender tendrils twisting into shackles. The trek across the airport terminal had been a struggle, each step birthing more chains, links of iron biting into flesh. He half expected his bones to crack under the weight.

It was those damn pleading eyes. Someone had found it fitting to deposit thunder clouds in to virescent worlds. Cosmic mysteries suspended on a delicately carved golden canvas that doused the flame of logic with ease.

Or perhaps his susceptibility lie not in beauty, but of being born neither master nor servant to numbers. Sewing himself under the businessman’s skin had been an act of self-preservation, basic survival instinct of a creature wounded.

Much later he had discovered that such an unnatural deed came with a corresponding price tag. The shell gnawed with grisly hunger at the soul, chunks of humanity devoured over the course of years until nothing remained of the boy.

The man had been content once the heart’s chambers fell dormant in quiet acceptance of its owner’s willful neglect. But something had changed. The beginning of which he could trace back to a moment in the rain.

Arnav’s eyes drifted toward the street lamp. Liquid pelted metal, framing the light with a fine mist. An exhale of smoke breathed life into the random splatter. His lungs seized as the painting gained vividness.

+

Wrapped in thin folds of clinging red she stood shivering in Delhi’s downpour. Punishment for pinching his ego. Yet, it was he who was held hostage in that parking lot. Feet nailed to pavement, preoccupied with a strange impulse to understand the uncommon weaves that made the tapestry of Khushi Gupta.

Hair matted to her forehead, lips chilled to bruises, and still her eyes spit fire at him. She was fucking magnificent. He had been torn by the opposing desire to kiss her senseless and to put as much distance between them as possible.

It was an intersection he found himself at repeatedly. Ultimately veering right despite every cell screaming for that left turn. Because he knew such a turn meant a collision with disaster, one in which there was no chance of recovery.

He had managed to aim leaden feet towards the building when the threat of oncoming headlights broke across his peripheral vision. Consciousness was relegated to a backseat passenger until he felt her fingernails digging into his skin. Only then did he realize his body had molded around hers as a shield.

While his arms absorbed her tremors, the knowledge of taking the wrong turn sunk in. In diverting danger from her, he had put himself directly in its path. But did he seek to immediately rectify his error by letting go and getting the hell away?

No. He had tighten his hold. With subtle shifts of bodies, it became an embrace. The air between them ignited, bolts of desire lashed across flesh as man and woman danced at the edge of recognition. He’d pulled back then, just enough to tilt his head down. Droplets of rain kissed his skin, heating, then stroked her upturned face.

Gravity was the victor that night, he had been powerless to resist the pull of the familiar stranger. Before he could regain his bearing, she’d tumbled into the hollowed halls that hung at his core.

It emitted soft thuds, faint and weak, until it latched to the rhythm of hers. Vigorously pumping until violet bloomed into red, coursing through the nooks and crevices, resurrecting wants and needs, dragging his soul from the shadows.

+

Arnav reached towards the glass pane, the twined figures dispersed upon his touch, merging with the last lacy wisps of the dying cigarette. Tension seeped through his hands before they balled into fists. The unshakable sense of danger that had punctured sleep now corded his muscles. Fuck.

He snatched the cellphone from the nightstand. The ringing pierced his ears as he waited.

“Khushi?” he bit off the moment the call connected. He was met with static silence before it was ended abruptly.

A chill climbed his back, settling into bones. That wasn’t her. Their silences thrummed of awareness, a thin curtain between a deluge of unspoken words. It had never left him cold.

He punched in another call, knowing this one would go through immediately.

“Aman, get me on the next plane to Delhi. Tell the cab I’ll be down in ten.”

Arnav tossed the phone aside, coloring the room with vicious curses as he made quick work of packing. The cobwebs of doubt dispersing with each tick of the clock. Out of fear of being led by his dick, he’d walked right into the viper’s nest. Because he had been polluted by past events, she’d been made to suffer. Again he’d allowed old ghosts to steal from him – from them.

Later. He’ll deal with his brother-in-law later.

Khushi needed him. The rest will hold.

+

Lavanya Kashyap pried her fingers from its white knuckled grip on the phone. Between the beats of silence, hesitation and omission had mated and bore the seed of deception.

He would never forgive, but she prayed he would forget.


… index

153 comments

    1. I recommend buying in bulk. =p
      This one started simmering halfway through FWN. Angst is one of my favorite genres, although I worry for what will be left of our sanity once we depart from these pages. 😉

      1. Bring it on girl friend! I am putting myself on DND mode and flipping all duniya-jahan away to dip into this misery pool.. By the way, any word on Crimson Court? I know it’s restricted as of right now and I will have to work it (wish I could use my twerking skills but it ain’t that kinda restricted club, right?) but have you started writing it?

        1. I’m honored. 😀
          Ah… CC. I’ve reopened the blog, however there are still details to be hammered out and decisions to confirm. I won’t leave you gals hanging though, so expect an announcement near the wrap of Saudade.

  1. Magnificent… That was magnificent, K! I finally found a word that fit this chapter. From the trek across the airport, to his awareness of himself, of having willingly lost himself to avoid any pain, to the rain bridging present and past, to his memory of his capitulation in the rain, to the ephemeral connection between the two… rather the lack of it, to the dread finally consolidating into the realization of having made a big mistake. The verbal imagery is breathtaking. All these emotions, from one who prides himself on his lack of them… portrayed so magnificently ( now that I have found it… nothing else fits ). Those feelings as he was walking away at the airport… that is exactly how he should have felt. That moment in the rain WAS his surrender, her punishment that he devised, leading to his own Waterloo. ‘A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.’ Unquote. The more ways he devised to keep her away… the closer she got to him.

    Now to your twist in the tale. We know in the original story that Arnav was already torn as he was leaving her at the airport. His declaration of love however was tainted by the circumstances. Did he say it to clue her in that something was wrong? Or did he think he was saying his final goodbye? ( I mean we know that Barun had to be away thus the stupid kidnapping track… but still). Is Khushi in danger now that Arnav is out of the way?… or is La helping Khushi out in some way? In any case Arnav’s actions are now spurred by his dread for her. A chance maybe to redeem himself without any selfishness clouding the issue. Brilliantly done K! Cant say I am surprised.

    The speed of update definitely needs recognition though. Thank you darling K.

    1. Lucky is I to have in reach such inspiring muses ^^

      I see the wheels are turning…. here is wee bit of direction.
      1. What is not seized today may not be there tomorrow
      2. Memory clocks do not run in sequence 😉

      1. Color me petrified! There is nothing more heart rending or more capable of sticking in your mind for eternity than a tragedy in hands of a gifted writer. Can I bribe you with something? Anything? I mean put him through a wringer if you have to… But his loss is her loss… And she has been punished enough. Your thoughts?

        Clue no. 2 I have to work on… My faculties are too shaken right now o cruel one.

  2. The Prelude gave me a sense of turbulence….feeling buoy now. Another exciting journey with the promise of pain & anguish but the Love is going to shine am sure. He could not help himself take the left turn and now waiting to see how the eyes that spit fire take handle Her battle.

  3. Liszt wrote this Dream of Love after reading a poem that impressed him so much that he wrote the main verse on the score:

    “O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst!
    O lieb, so lang du lieben magst!
    Die Stunde kommt, die Stunde kommt,
    wo du an Gräbern stehst und klagst !”

    (O love, love as long as you can! 
    O love, love as long as you will! 
    The time will come, the time will come, 
    When you will stand grieving at the grave. )

      1. Well done Freiligrath, you made me win!

        Let’s see if another verse from him hits the bull’s eye too:

        “And guard your words with care,
        Lest harm flow from your lips!
        Dear God, I meant no harm,
        But the loved one recoils and mourns.”

        How easy is it really to undo a wrongdoing?

        1. Pessoa lends a few line to stew over:
          “The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”

  4. The sheer magic you create with words whether it is passion, angst , or love is pure bliss and breath taking.
    Thank you K dear. Loved the update.
    Is Kushi in trouble?

  5. Wow K!! Just totally wow! That was so … Mm what do I say… Yes, Your words (and character portraying) are so sorted and profound and the imagery you manage to create through your words is mind blowing! Beautiful !
    I can’t wait to read more.. Pls continue with update speed as much as possible 😁😁😁

  6. K,

    As scrapbook era says just above, the word is magnificent. A truly haunting revisiting of the dreaded airport scene, London and rain scenes….and this time around I feel a deep sense of foreboding for Arnav! Yup…why do I sense that this is the redemption magnum opus all the fa girls…well most of them, me excluded…were calling out for. Why me excluded? Well..always been a huge fan of Arnav Singh Raizada and his golden heart…and I promise you no matter what one might say to argue against the logic…he was always more sinned against than sinning. Khushi and his treatment to her was purely self preservation by the man, who felt like he had just been handed over manna from heaven,and did not know what to do with it! I know, I know, I run the risk of being lynched by the redemption advocates here…but I always believed he got his just desserts with his heart flagella ting him for what he had done a thousand times…as he famously told Khushi during the consummation episode in response to her comments on how she knew this was sachcha pyaar….she had said – you are hurt more than I am…and he says, quietly, a tad apologetically – ‘hair baar’….can one not get a sense of his condition from just that…hmm…waiting now K, let’s see where we get with this one. Nervy about Lavanya’s deception…to Arnav or Khushi or both?

    Waiting….

    1. Very well said, a huge fan of ASR and his golden heart.
      -he was always more sinned against than sinning
      -you are hurt more than I am…and he says, quietly, a tad apologetically – ‘hair baar’…

      I totally agree. I feel the same way and with your permission quote you as you have said it so beautifully and eloquently. I could not have said it better.

    2. No lynching mobs here, we are far from the land of IF 😛
      I’m honestly torn about this viewpoint. Was he sinned against? Yes. Does it excuse his atrocious behavior towards Khushi? No. Do I want to protect the man with everything I am? Yes! … It’s an ongoing dilemma.

      No grand redemption tracks lays behind these curtains. The Ficverse already host fantastic stories that caters to that desire. I’m not interested in redeeming him, he is who he is and she loves him for it. But their timing? Therein lies our tale. 😉

      1. Agree he had no excuse for his behaviour….except that with emotions, given his precedent, he always managed to put up a facade to protect himself. And yes, like with any armour it provided only cold vibes!

  7. Never gave it a thought that how difficult it would have been for Arnav to walk away from her.thanks for pointing this out …

  8. You know I feel like quoting the entire chapter to convey the depth of emotions you convey via your writing. The characters become live with your words, an episode playing before you. However, he treated Khushi, it was entirely self-preservation. Trying tooth and nail to keep the walls he built around himself erect, yet failing miserably. The sparks in the rain, or the desire, everything written beautifully. Kudos!

  9. Yet again brilliant update !! His actions always spoke much than his words …..Was always keen on knowing Arnav’s thought processes of his battle between the heart and the mind..How he felt , what compelled his behaviour etc..
    His inner turmoil and outer state in this beautiful scene that you have penned down is amazing ….That phone call did suggest all is not well on the other end..Eager to read more ..Thank you for the mail.

  10. Irrespective of the reasons behind that airport sequence (& the kidnapping track together), that goodbye scene always feels so real to me. I can feel the pain. You brought it all back with an increased intensity. It made my heart beat faster. And the way you combined that scene with the rain scene it just turned more powerful. This intensity takes my breath away.
    Is Lavanya playing against him and Khushi? It looks like but I hope not.
    During the track we all saw how Arnav was torn to go back to Khushi at airport and he turned too before an invisible hand stopped him but here I loved how you showed that one phone call, which he knew was not from Khushi, made him act and go back to her leaving his work behind. This, him going to meet her, without her calling for any help is what touches my heart like he did when he went to see her at hospital because he knew she was in pain.

  11. Hi..!
    I just want to say that you really create magic with your command in language.
    The really helped to feel the pain of both of them during the painful “good-bye”.

    I really want to know where Lavanya stands in all this. Love really makes you powerful and also helps in overcoming the pain and the insecurities.

    Thanks a lot for this wonderful start ..!!
    Loved it..

  12. You whisper to my heart a haunting melody born from the very depths of healing hell. Yet the fire which courses through these veins ignite a pleasant warmth, not turmoil within.

    After days of despair I see rays of jaded hope. Eternal damnation at the hands of love beckon yet I am powerless to the hold you have upon me as I answer your every heartbeat with a broken one of my own.

    Every beat in sync yet so broken.

    This melody of yours fondly caresses a song once known, a death once embraced. You slay me with your words and yet I bleed promises of love.

    What poetic beauty to you weave

    What a haunting melody you hum…

    Xx

      1. These fingers haunt the soul in search of answers the heart abundantly bleeds on these pages and I somehow gift you not poetry but honesty inspired solely by the greatness of your pen xx

  13. This is simply magnificent piece of work. Would love to read fwn to get the story but I need access

    Coming back to this one. You have an serine way with words. Weaves magic. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story with me.

  14. Spectacular !! Your pen has painted vivid, vibrant visuals leaving me your audience spellbound !! 👏🏻
    Your portrayal of the famous rain and airport sequences is simply magic – the imagery, the stirring emotions, the ambience, have been scripted with meticulous skill and utmost sincerity. ❤️
    Is Khushi in some kind of danger ?? 😳
    Dil maange more !! 😉

  15. Wow. You wove magic with your words . I can not explain in mere words here. How expressively you have expressed his feelings which we saw in show. Looks like lavanya is playing up against him. Will wait for story to unfold.

  16. I’ve taken a break from reading stuff for a while & here you are, my friend, writing these stuff which I can’t resist. This is a magnificent piece of writing K. I absolutely love how in such a short spam of measures you’ve shown us the depth of characters. Forever in awe of you darling!

  17. Such intensity in his dilemm to leave or to go back to her in airport was visible in the show to. That scene always brings pain to my heart but what intesified that pain was his feelings all these emotions when he pry himself to be emotionless and heartless. Yet this rain brought o him the moment, another rain where his heart started beating again for one he wanted to be distanced with. And his soul returned too. Loved how you created such magnifieciest scene with your beautiful words.

    In all these realization his doubts are disapeared and he realized he was being played using his past, and he was destroying the purity of there relation with his own hands. And it all happened because if that eternal connection which he keeps suppressing but it emerges strong everytine he sense khushi’ in some trouble.

    That twist. Seems like La is against arnav and khushi why otherwise would she think that arnav will never forgive?

    1. If there was no Khushi, Lavanya would be an ideal partner for Arnav.
      She understands his ticks and beats far better than Anjali ever did.
      But ultimately it is that soul connection that is both heaven and hell for Arnav yeah? 😉

  18. Every love story needs a catalyst – so the popular saying goes.
    The airport scene was indeed a beautiful scene. It is one of my favorite scenes too.
    You have woven magical sentences around that scene.
    How do you do it K? How do you do it every time?
    Reading your story is like falling in a Rabbit hole never wanting to come out.
    I have my seat belts fastened to take the trip to this Wonderland where you are our guide and the genie who would weave magic with her words and sentences.

  19. You have magic in your pen my friend! Beautiful words! Wonder what part Lavanya is playing here….

  20. Dammit babe you know I can’t handle angst. For you I will, only because the love runs deep. :
    The site is gorgeous! No surprise, but I think I’m in shock that Nocturne came so soon after Prelude. Lol

    I’m loving how you’re taking IPK scenes and reimagining them. You always add so much more depth to them, giving an explanation to Arnav’s action that actually makes sense. There’s no judgment either, just facts for the readers to think over and decide for themselves. Ultimately, you make us all fall harder for your Mr. Raizada, who is less asshole and more tortured soul.

    The twist! My guess is that shit went down in Shantivan when Arnav left and Lavanya is helping Khushi get as far away from Shyam and those crazy people they call family. Tell me if I’m warm or cool. 😛

    And promise to give me fluffy rom com with your next story. I want a jalebi fix. Please?

    1. Who are we trying to fool here? You are total Team A-hole =p
      Let me see what the state of mind and status of arrant partners are upon the closing act before there’s confirmation of a next, levels of fluffiness pending 😀

  21. I’m surprise by Lavnya here … Is she going to play the woman scorned ???

    You have given life to the rain night with your words … It was just so wonderfully described

  22. The rain whilst falling will never allow you to see clearly but provides ample time for thought.. reflection ..add to that the still of the night, a storm was certainly brewing ..

    A restless heart and mind haunted by the one person he tried so hard not to get under his skin.. has penetrated his heart ….

    Is Lavanya hoping he’ll forget her betrayal yet knows he’ll never forgive her…
    Both her and Shyam are scorned lovers ..

    Upon his return to Delhi it is not the time to allow his fearful dick overshadow his shatir dimaag!!

    More please …

  23. There was no other way to portray such a brilliant and exceptional storyline … its just phenomenal and magnificent as Scrapbooker said. I love the way you depicted the flashback scene in the parking lot; the rain, their embrace, their togetherness, their desire for each other. Arnav and Khusi share such a rare connections even thru silence and deep down he knew that wasn’t her who answered the phone. He realizes he made a mistake of waking away and how much sadness, and loneliness can consume him without his “Happiness” and it’s a good thing he decided to go back, better late than never; hope he’s not too late. You create such a vivid picture in my mind…. Its takes me to another dimension and leave me asking whats next…

    Was it Lavanya who answered Khusi’s phone?

    If its her why is she answering Khusi’s phone?

    Is she helping Khusi are plotting against her?

    Lavanya in on this too with Shyam or is it a way different scenario?

    Is Khusi in danger?

    If she is will Arnav make it in time to save her?

    P.S.. don’t mind my presumptuous K LOL.. I know I have to wait and watch as the story proceed to get all my answers. :p

    1. Heh, heh. I see that the imagination’s taken flight!
      You know I don’t mind and it’s fun to nibble on your musings, it gives me food for thought.
      Although I’m afraid the next update will bring more questions before we start on any answers 😉

    1. There will be revisits and reimaginings of a few favorite scenes from both POVs…. the better you gals remember the scene, the more enjoyable it’ll be 😉

  24. Arnav-Khushi – a couple special in the way they share a plethora of mysterious, albeit endearing qualities. 🙂 One particular trait so unique to them, their language of silence. Be it in each other’s presence or when they are split apart, their souls wordlessly communicate the deepest of feelings.

    Which is exactly what I loved about this piece. She had valiantly tried to prevent him from leaving. She had held his hands, plead her innocence and finally lost her brave but unavailing fight with her destiny. Blinded with prejudice he had let go of her hand and she was left on the other side of the glass, painfully staring at him walking away from her.
    And now he stood across another glass panel. This time a wide chasm of distance and time separated them. Memories from a dark stormy night and an unmistakable foreboding clamoured him to go back to her. The answer to his phone call was an ominous silence. A dread that communicated she was not the one who had received his call. He just had to see her. Where words had been rendered futile, silence had uttered the most profound emotions.

    You know, K, I feel life has this uncanny resemblance to the game of Bridge. It is not everyday that you are dealt a suit worthy of a 7 No Trump bid. However when you do get the hand, you bag the opportunity, bid a slam and take all the 13 tricks home. Which I hope Arnav here will do. 😛 His actions have brewed the storm, it is up to him to clean up in the aftermath. In the show all the work was done by Khushi. :/

    Another aspect which left me wanting to throttle the makers was the poorly executed Khushi-La bond. That relationship had so much potential. I guess the next update will throw a light on how you plan to tinker with it.

    Oh Captain, thou art indeed, the sovereign Queen of Angst. But I agree with Mel. Next one a rom com, pileej. 😉

    1. You’ve dropped so many nuggets on me. Muak!
      ‘Their language of silence’ – Ironic isn’t it for a girl who loves to chatter and a man who roars with anger, to fall in love through whispers of the heart?

      I hear the hope in your game of Bridge… however, some storms are meant to strengthen, others simply wreck. It’s difficult to tell which one Mr. Raizada has on hand.

      For the most part, I actually loved La and Khushi’s equation. More was my only want. It was the destruction of Anjali and Khushi that made me want to climb walls. The next two updates will set a clearer course 😉

      Do not stroke that fire. The woman is determined that I bleed out ink for every possible genre!

  25. Yay……. New update………… I loved it…….

    There is a twist in the story……….

    Arnav has finally reached a decision…. He wants to come back to Khushi……

    But La’s entry is confusing……

    Waiting to know Khushi’s reaction…….

    (orchids8888 from IF)

  26. Hi dear! as always, i sense a wonderful story!
    you have our asr from ipk bang on…. what kushi are you going to give us? i am curious! thank you for not including a ridiculous kidnapping…. and thank you for actually having him go all the way to London and come right back. That is soooo ASR. Wondering out loud….. has kushi left with Lavanya’s help? with a promise not to tell? is that the dread he senses?
    In all honesty, i could never blame asr for being at a loss on how to deal with this kushi-shyam-di angle. Sure, i will never justify the physical abuse he put her through. But, i do wonder (and this is a thought that my mind simply refuses to let go of), what would have happened if kushi had come clean in the first place? very difficult for the mind to accept someone who “upholds values above all else”, to be walking in and out of shantivan without an ounce of guilt. Say it, do your duty, put the ball in the other person’s court and let them deal as they see fit….

    looking forward to more… hook, line and sinker, you have me with your words every single time. Bless you!

    1. Thanks P! He was definitely between a rock and a hard place. And I’m sending him right back there, adding some gale to color up the storm for good measure. Let’s see how Mr. Raizada deals 😉

  27. Hey…that was such an apt description of the rain scene…right after the photoshoot where he gets attracted to her…ASR here is exactly that of the show….Lavanya’s definitely here to help Khushi….but how what where when and the likes are eating me up..I’ll wait for the next one 🙂

    Namrata

  28. No amount of vitamins is going to steady this erratic heart of mine on this journey… kyun writer ji? These twist, the scenes, the emotions is what pulls you right in. Here we get to read about his inner turmoil, the emotions that I had craved to know before. But somehow, I am loving your concept much more.

    The night, storm, his reflections tell us this is just the beginning… or is something else? I am afraid of what the end might bring forth as the revelations begin to pour in. And the burning question for me as the read the end of the update…. is Khushi in trouble?

    Give me more, please? pretty please?

    1. It is good exercise for the heart, and I promise to stop short of shattered ribs 😛
      Revelations yes, but whose? Danger yes, but from what?
      Questions, questions, the excitement it weaves!

  29. I am late but I hope I’m forgiven:) Life is being a pain right now and I really have to fight for coffee and K 🙂 but it’s worth it and makes my day when I get to read such brilliant writing. I’m not a fan of angst but you make me rethink it! What powerful and brilliant writing K and I am hooked. I can’t wait to see where you will take us next.

  30. What a brilliant rendition! This made me fall in love with Arnav Singh Raizada once again. You have created such a beautiful imagery of the airport scene and the rain hug, blending past and present in a marvelous way.
    Just a phone call, which isn’t from Khushi and he senses some danger. Ah! I love this.
    Who is Lavanya deceiving?
    Waiting to know more. 😀

    1. Thank you sweetie. Arnav is both easy and difficult to love isn’t he? I hope this curtain of rain will wash away the layers of self preservation, so that we may take a peek into the man beneath. 😉

  31. Wow, awesome, wonderful, amazing. The start of story is very beautiful. U described emotions very beautifully. Arnav and Khushi not together and that hurting Arnav. What happen between them and why they are not together want to know. The rain scene in highlight’s this update and in end u leave with us lavanya… Question is now is she with Arnav- Khushi or opposite Arnav-Khushi. 😘😘😘for update. Lots of love and hugs.

    1. Their pain enjoys tugging at my abused heartstrings until I have to do something about it. Their is a story, but saudade is really a collection of vignettes on the twisty strings that binds us.

  32. Sorry for late reply. Down with flu from 2 days. My comment not posting in one ago so devide in 2 parts. Aman is here also well can we meet NK also? I will miss only one person in this story…. Robbie. That character is not part from ipkknd but I after reading FWN for me Robbie is like part of Khushi-Arnav story. Hope will meet her again here or your any other story. Thank u for beautiful update.😘😊😊

  33. Oh my! That was absolutely beautiful! Beautifully brilliant! I am running out of adjectives here 😛 I love the way you have portrayed Arnav and the magnitude of his feelings here for someone who claims to not have any feelings. The way you have portrayed his feelings is what i really wish we had gotten to see in the show. And also, amazing plot twist here that Khushi is the one rather in danger. And La is helping her I believe and hope. I can’t wait to read the rest 😀

    1. Our alpha’s problem has always been feeling too much. I find it funny how his family assumes he’s unfeeling, when the reality is the exact opposite. Imagine if our crazy gal didn’t come into his life, the poor man may burst from pent up feels 😉

  34. Superb K! I’m glad Arnav has given in to the pull and rushed to Khushi and to help her. Only the brother in law remains to be ‘dealt with’. Is Khushi in danger? And then the suspense, is Lavanya a friend or foe?
    As the rain obscures everything giving chance to mull the things, it will clean everything bringing freshness and serenity. I hope it won’t be too late then.
    Waiting for the next K, is it the time??

    1. Oh I love that line of thought. Rain has an interesting duality doesn’t it? It both obscures and cleanse. And after a very long delay, it is indeed time sweetie. 😉

  35. How much more can a heart take ? I know not, but I’m definitely going to risk it. I might be needing the bandages after all.
    The update – Magnificent.
    Arnav’s emotions, his inner battle as he left Khushi at the airport was bulls-eye. Combine the rain sequence, along with your words, that’s more than enough to render me speechless.
    I personally felt the rain sequence was the defining moment when Khushi broke into his heavily guarded heart and slowly swept into his being.
    One thing from the million things I love about Arnav-Khushi was the connection between their souls. Words failed what their silences could communicate and it comes as no surprise that Arnav knew it wasn’t Khushi at the other end.
    ASR’s famous dimaag is still intact though a little slow. I gather Khushi is in trouble. From whom does she face danger, Shyam or Lavanya ? Is Lavanya a friend or a foe ? Trying to clear the mists in the crystal ball…

    1. Oh Niv (can we go with Niv? ^^) How I adore mining through your thoughts! I find language to be inadequate when the connection threads between souls. It requires a different mode, the most honest one – touch. For within the little beats of subconscious actions, do we reveal the deepest shades of our beings.

  36. A song of despair – P. Neruda

    The memory of you emerges from the night around me.
    The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea.

    Deserted like the wharves at dawn.
    It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one!

    Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.
    Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked.

    In you the wars and the flights accumulated.
    From you the wings of the song birds rose.

    You swallowed everything, like distance.
    Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

    It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss.
    The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse.

    Pilot’s dread, fury of blind driver,
    turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!

    In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded.
    Lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

    You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire,
    sadness stunned you, in you everything sank!

    I made the wall of shadow draw back,
    beyond desire and act, I walked on.

    Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost,
    I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you.

    Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness.
    and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.

    There was the black solitude of the islands,
    and there, woman of love, your arms took me in.

    There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit.
    There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle.

    Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me
    in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!

    How terrible and brief my desire was to you!
    How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid.

    Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs,
    still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds.

    Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,
    oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

    Oh the mad coupling of hope and force
    in which we merged and despaired.

    And the tenderness, light as water and as flour.
    And the word scarcely begun on the lips.

    This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,
    and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank!

    Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you,
    what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not drowned!

    From billow to billow you still called and sang.
    Standing like a sailor in the prow of a vessel.

    You still flowered in songs, you still broke the currents.
    Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well.

    Pale blind diver, luckless slinger,
    lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

    It is the hour of departure, the hard cold hour
    which the night fastens to all the timetables.

    The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore.
    Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate.

    Deserted like the wharves at dawn.
    Only tremulous shadow twists in my hands.

    Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything.

    It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!

  37. Awesome update.I want to read more.Waiting to see which role Lavanya plays.and nice too read german words 😀 because i am born and grown up in germany 😀

  38. just superb! love the way Arnav keeps fighting his emotions and yet failing miserably and giving in to the inevitable. Hope and pray he is not late and is able to outwit his malicious brother-in-law. Was a bit surprised by La’s actions and yet not surprised at all. after all she is a woman scorned.

    1. For all his terrible actions against her, I have loved how La responded with maturity and strength. This lady is a phoenix! But that’s another story. Here, it’s misguided love taking the driver’s seat. 😉

  39. This is astounding K! The style, the adjectives, the similes and symbolism, all joined together to make such a beautiful personification.

    We can see the rain beating against that street lamp, as if it were us in that room.

    We can hear the noise of the battle of his thoughts churning in his mind as he dissects his behaviour through his memories. He hurts her because he wants to possess her, but is scared that allowing himself to be possessed will result in humiliation. He has been so terrified of it that his mind just recognised that he hurt an innocent. He didn’t only turn right on that day in the terrace, he didn’t allow anyone else, especially her, to turn left. Unfortunately, innocents are always involved in conflict. His guilt coming from his lack of action just hours ago, is now the beginning of knowledge. It has sharpened his senses, that’s why he feels dreadfully nervous when he calls her. But I fear he might have left it too late.

    He has mocked and belittled her feelings too many times. Maybe his behaviour at the airport was the trigger for her to learn to ignore them.She can’t afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body whilst she is being abused; his pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal might have finally made her to short – circuit them and go numb. What does one do in such a situation? What has happened to her during these hours while he was in flight and then coming to his senses in a hotel room? Is it perhaps early morning the next day in Delhi?

    As time passes on both sides, memories are tearing him apart. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, days and hours he can never get back. Unfortunately, the clock keeps ticking, the past receding, the uncertain future increasing with regrets mounting. Maybe what he is seeking will not come in the former of what he is expecting. His present is shaped by an accumulation of past incidents and his behaviour in them.

    Who answered her phone? Shyam? Is that your twist in this short story? He was coming to the airport anyway. Did he say what happened between them and seeing her numb, made his move?

    Or has Khushi gone to the Guptas and one of them answered her phone?

    The possibilities are endless, the fact that she didn’t answer her phone, is worrying. Or did she answer the phone, but their connection has finally snapped and he didn’t recognise her?

    Is the narrative linear or non linear? Did Lavanya’s phone call happened earlier, maybe whilst Khushi is at the airport? Does she know about Shyam? Is she wishing for Arnav to forget Khushi, as their toxic relationship has damaged her (Khushi) too far?

    Whatever happens in the story, sometimes there is more hope and life in being apart then being together. Even if the love was of epic proportions, it cannot protect against the person’s inner demons, especially if their sense of self-preservation is all they know.

    It is truly a beautiful start, especially as the scenes chosen are unforgettable for all of us. Your dose of suspense is enough to intrigue and worry us. But most of all your words make their way into their target, making us wish for the second part to be here.

    I am made with a weak heart…

    1. How much cultivation have I done to deserve such a soulmate of a reader? Truly G. It is a difficult feat, but you took the breath right out of me. I did not float across the nine realms of clouds, your words zapped me there on a thunderous bolt. Muah!

      The best way to enjoy saudade is to see it as a collection of vignettes. I have long been fascinated by exploring the intricacies of nonlinear threads. To place my hand upon the pulse that drives one man’s inner demons. So best to work on strengthening those heart muscles! 😉

Peanut Gallery

error: Alert: NO !!
%d bloggers like this: